my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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