dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
