I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
