lets start a swedish sibling band together
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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