My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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