john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
