I skipped work to stalk him.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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