What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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