I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I checked into jail on foursquare
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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