This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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