Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
