What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's official drugs can't kill me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
