u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
