Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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