He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
