No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
