Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
