i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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