In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
