girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You made out with two different species that night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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