she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
