i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
