i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
