there's paper in my vomit.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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