I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
