I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
