I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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