what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
