I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Can I color on your dick again?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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