dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
