U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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