I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
