i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
