My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
