You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think i have two assholes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
