So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
