god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
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