hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
