Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
