I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
