You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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