I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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