He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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