my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
