Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
