I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
