We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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