forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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