So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
