I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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