Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
