thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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